Chapter 85: It's the children

A report landed on Screwtape’s desk. Old school, Screwtape still demanded to see printouts on paper. Apparently a YouTube video was going viral. Screwtape almost threw the thing in the waste basket. This type of thing was happening all the time; why waste my time with it? But then two words caught his eye: “the children.” It seems this video was having an impact on children. He read further, then punched up the video on his own computer.
   It showed a young boy. He was collecting all his toys, video games, phone -- everything he possessed of any value. He was boxing it all up. “Jesus said sell all you have and give it to the poor,” the little boy said. “That’s what I’m doing.” The video went on to show the little fool going from house to house, soliciting similar sacrifices from his neighbors. The wretch’s parents stood beside him, beaming great stupid smiles.
   Screwtape thought he would be violently ill. A few keystrokes told him the bad news. The video was getting millions of hits. “Well, what of it? Just a flash in the pan,” he thought. No way it could catch on. A few might fall for the sentimental hogwash -- but large numbers of idiotic small humans giving up their trinkets to strangers? Never happen. Not in this world or the next. Screwtape felt comforted by the thought.
   The comfort didn’t last long. His Crisis Phone lit up on his desk. “It’s Ratswallow,” Miss Caliente said. Ratswallow was Underlord in charge of Europe. A chill of foreboding went down Screwtape’s spine. Ratswallow was a whiner who never had an optimistic thought. He was the kind of demon who could enjoy the huge success of the amusing incident humans called World War II, and still say, “Yes, but…” Ratswallow was able to deliver millions of goodies to the Chief, but still complain that it wasn’t enough.
   “Put him on,” Screwtape sighed.
   “Have you seen what’s going on?” Ratswallow fairly screamed into Screwtape’s ear.
   “What is it this time?” Screwtape pretended to be unconcerned.
   “What is it? What is it? Armageddon, that’s what it is!” Ratswallow yelled. “Armageddon!”
   “Calm down,” Screwtape said. “Whenever a demon loses one sweet, you always scream Armageddon.”
   “This time it’s for real!” Ratswallow yelled. “Don’t you see what’s going on? It’s the children!”
   Screwtape caught his breath. “What do you mean? Out with it.”
   “It all started in your g-damn country,” Ratswallow said, carefully avoiding the enemy’s name, even in his state of panic. “Now it’s going worldwide! That g-damned video! That g-damned kid! He’s infecting the whole g-damned world!”
   “You’re exaggerrating,” Screwtape insisted.
   “You wish!” Ratswallow thundered. “Kids all over my district are selling their stuff for the poor -- all in the name of the Enemy.”
   “It can’t be all kids. -- And your district isn’t the whole world,” Screwtape interjected.
   “It’s happening all over, I tell you!” Ratswallow whined. “Even in countries with a different view of the Enemy! Even where they have a different name for him! I don’t know what’s going to happen to me -- us!”
   There was nothing more to say. Ratswallow hung up the phone. Screwtape went back to his computer. Ratswallow was exaggerating, but not by much. It seems the g-damned video had indeed infected large parts of the world, even where Internet coverage was lacking. Large numbers of whelps were selling all their belongings. Large numbers, but not all. There was still room for hope.